This is day three of my time in the Ashram. Every morning and evening I attend Satsang, which includes 30 minutes of meditation, 30 minutes of chanting, and a dose of wisdom from one of the seniors.

The meditation sessions are done in complete silence, and yet it has never been so loud. My mind sounds like a hardcore music festival, and the beat goes something like this:

“Om…Om…wow, this is nice and quiet, so beautiful to be in India. Om…yes, and after this, Australia. Ah, I am so excited for Australia. I can totally see myself getting that dog to keep me company in my campervan parked by the beach. Om… blue, yes I would like to get a blue dress. FOCUS! Bente, focus. We are now in India, in an Ashram. Om…Om… Oof, that back pain is really painful. This is not good. Om…Om… How long have we been sitting here already?”

(Peeks eyes open)

“What if I scoot my bag under my knee?”

(Reaches out for the bag, shifts weight, shoves the bag below the knee, closes eyes again)

“Focus Bente. Breathe in, breathe out, think calm, think silence. Om… I must look like such a fool between all these yogis. They are sitting as still as statues carved from serenity itself, and here I pretending to medidate. Okay, for real now. Common. Om… Om… Focus on the spot between your eyes. Observe your body.”

(Silent mind for three seconds)

“Yes! I did it! Okay, this I can do again. Om… when I have that campervan, I want to decorate it in bright and vivid colors. I want to cover it with art and life. Waking up next to the beach will be a dreeaaammm.”

(Hears the senior signal the end of the session)

“Shit! Shit! Ugh, why am I always daydreaming. Super focus now! Last ten seconds, focus, focus, focus. 

(Meditation ends)

Pffff… I feel like my brain just ran a marathon while sitting still. I have to do this every day. Twice. For ten weeks. Holy moly. My meditation game just got upgraded from “cozy starfish laying on my back for 10 minutes” to “acrobat yoga brain Olympics”.